Damn this life..

I often catch myself constantly wondering how you are.. sitting alone with my mind set so far.. reminiscing about your smile.. voice.. and touch.. damn this life.. I'm missing you too much..

Verge of Tears..

As time goes by..
I should have dried my tears..
But I didn't..
Somehow..
It's getting worst..

Yes..
People want things that they do not have..
Or..
They have lost it..
Did not appreciate 'it' when they have it..
Regret comes to you..
and your nose gone red..
and your tears could not hold any longer..
Finally it's drop..
Because you miss 'it'..
You have lost 'it'..

Nothing hurts more than waiting..
Since..
I don't even know.. what I'm waiting for anymore..

3 years of love

07.. 08.. 09.. 2010..

These years.. I never felt any better..

How am i suppose to date with a girl when i'm still in love with you..

Yes.. How am I suppose to date a girl.. when I'm still in love with you..

Someone said.. oh, love doesn't mean u have to own that particular person.. it is about you care, you're willing to sacrifise for her and.. happiness of course.. and most importantly.. is timing.. When the time has passed.. it had pass..
And I said.. well.. maybe i do not know much.. about love.. but.. i do know what i'm thinking right now. I'm thinking of dating someone, because i'm jealous of those people who are in pairs. I have various of choices but none of them suits me. Eventhough I have chosen someone, but how am i suppose to date with someone with little interest in/on (in = inner, on = appearance) her. If I really go for it, is it fair for that girl?

He replied.. you got to try when you need to.. you're not going to wait for her to come back.. do you? people won't think that you're a good lover or anything.. they just think that you're stupid.. a person that make himself a fool of waiting for someone that is not worth to. She already had a boyfriend, in few years time she will be married and has her own happy family. And what about you, sitting down here and wait for her for the rest of your life?

And that's do get in my mind.. and started to think..

He continued.. now look.. do what you need to do, I won't intefere your 'love' life.. I just want you to think wisely. You and I may not stand on the same line on how's love are.. but maybe what I said could help you in the future.. this is realistic world.. open your eyes.. plenty of girls are somewhere waiting for you.. maybe some of them are just around you.. I want you to be happy too.. so.. good luck to you..

A few secs later.. we changed topic..

Well there's a moment I think he's wrong..

But somehow.. I think he's right..

My diary..

I am pretty sure that my blog is dead.. since I do not on9 often.. but it doesn't matter.. for those who purposely browse in .. I would like to said thank you to u.. because u r a real fren to me..

Today I had a weird dream ..I was tailing you .. u were wearing blue short jeans and a black top ..u were holding some books .. looks like u have done what is needed to be done and headed back home .. u were all alone in the journey .. and i somehow appear to be by ur side that u didn't even realize that i was there .. or maybe u did .. just that I'm too stupid to find out .. i'm in the car and following u .. the journey was long .. and i wanted to offer u a ride but i just couldn't .. finally u reached home .. and someone is waiting for you at the door .. and suddenly .. u came to me and said maybe we can go sing k together .. and i smile.. i've never been so happy before.. it smile from the inner of my heart .. and suddenly u're gone .. and at the same time.. i'm awake.. n i am still wondering why sing k ? ...its been 2 years .. i am wondering how u doing there? did u happen to cry again? is ur current bf doing fine with u.. of course yes.. lol.. it happen on the 15th of oct afternoon...

melody were playing .. na na ~ na na na ~ na na ~ I miss you ... misses u so bad .. I don't forget u .. oh its so sad .. I hope u can hear me .. I remember it clearly .. the day~ u ~ slipped away.. was the day~ I found it wont be the same .. avril lavigne..slipped away..17 oct .. my roommates were playing this song.. as I guess the singer is avril lavigne.. n yes I was right.. I found that every time I listen to avril's songs.. automatically u came to my mind.. because u were the one who influences me..

today.. couldn't get to sleep... haunted by our memory ... 20 oct.. midnight..

21 oct ... 2.24am.. I had a small talk with a friend of mine.. my roommate were sleeping now.. in the middle of the night .. only a laptop light were on .. couldn't get to sleep .. same thing happened.. I thought I had already completely let go of u.. because I wasn't thinking about u for the past few months .. ever since the dream .. I couldn't stop thinking of u .. thinking of the words that u said.. one day u will chase me back.. I am wondering if that day will ever come into my life.. I am so afraid the next time I see u would be in the wedding path which the groom isn't me .. I somehow wanted to grab my heart that is so pain from the inside .. I know u through 1 of my best friend.. the 1st time I saw u I had already fall in love v u .. until the day between friend and u .. I chose friend .. that's change my life.. yes.. my life wouldn't be the same without u ..a few times I wanted us to be together again.. but I didn't even make a move .. guess I was afraid to face u again .. I was so stupid .. a fool that cannot be forgiven .. a bastard that shouldn't exist .. a disgrace to human kind .. I'm like a fool who do not appreciate what I have.. regret after I have lost .. seeing u living a blissful life that hurt me a lot .. I wonder how ppl could said she happy he will be happy too .. why doesn't it apply to me .. why .. why do I hurt so much .. I want to see u right now .. I miss u .. I really miss u .. I ... I ..

Few minutes later .. still remember that we used to use songs to describe each other feeling .. and suddenly 'my heart' irwansyah and acha septriasa is playing.. suddenly my tears dropped .. it was so coincidence and so sudden .. its been awhile that I haven't listen to this song .. although this is not the song that we used to describe each other feeling .. but it has another meaning for us .. maybe is just for me now .. because there is no longer us exist .. this song were the songs that u and yn perform on the school stage .. come to think of it .. back then I was so childish .. but u wouldn't mind ..

melody playing~~ Di sini.. kau dan aku.. ter~biasa bersama.. menjalani kasih sayang.. bahagia.. ku dengan mu........

I couldn't get any better tonight.. I wanted to sleep.. so that at least I can see u in my dream.. I can't stop thinking of u.. why is the music play list have to play sad music .. why .. no matter how I press it doesn't goes what I wanted it to be .. I can't stop writing.. there is no better way for me to express myself.. I cried .. I can't stop crying .. my eyes are blurry .. I cant even says a word .. I miss u .. I miss u.. I just couldn't stop ... I want u .. I need u .. I want to hug u .. I want to kiss u .. I wan to take care of u .. I want everything from u .. I am so selfish .. why can't I be like others .. u happy I happy .. I just couldn't do it .. I just .. couldn't do it .. selfish .. I am so selfish ..

I can't stop listening to this song ... memory flash back .. a lot.. a lot..

..

What if i said..
i'm still the same guy that u used to know..

..

I love you..
without hope..
a mute offender..
what jealous pangs..
what shy despairs i knew..

..

I am tired.. Beloved..
of chafing my heart against the want of you..

Missing you could turn pain to pleasure, if I know you were missing me too..

2 years.. it’s been 2 long years..
Your image of mine has gone blurred..
I can barely remember how you used to smile..
The sweet smile of yours are so beautiful and refreshing..
Whenever I look at your smile I’m feeling alive again..
I.. really miss you…

29th of July should be the 3rd we celebrate your birthday..
The word ‘’We’’ is referring to us..
But..
There’s no longer exist ‘us’ between you and me..
You are now probably had let go the love between you and me..
I.. really want to say ‘’ Happy Birthday to You, my love..’’

Even though I fell in love again with another person..
But..
When I’m sad..
I always wanted to call you instead of her..
Crying silently is all I can do..
I.. really want to be by your side..

As time passed at my own..
Regretting and missing you struck up to me..
Asking myself..
Why did I let you go..
I wish.. I could travel back into time..
I.. really want you to forgive me for what I have done..

Telling you ‘’ you need to meet a good person’’
When I didn’t really mean it..
But..
You did meet a good person..
And he is so lucky to have you..
I.. really jealous of him..


Telling myself for nothing ‘’ maybe you still like me’’
Hah.. ha..
I know..
It’s naïve to think of that..
But..
I.. I.. really want you to like me again..

Hearing your words you chose him once again instead of me..
For a while.. I was speechless.. And then.. I cried..
They were your last word to me..
But I love you..
Were the only words I wanted to hear..
I.. really hate you..

We were both really innocent..
That we can’t have that kind of love again..
It’ll only remain as memories..
The memories that I will cherish all the time..
Because..
I love you..

Too Bad..

This will be my last entry.. I guess.. I'm just somehow lost the interest in blogging.. same goes to friendster and facebook. So... Take care everyone..

Last picture for my last post..

My hideout..

Terengganu Half Day Trip..

It was suppose to be one day trip at Kuantan, but it turned out to be Terengganu half day trip, due to some problem occurred. As we people from K.TRG thinks that K.TRG has nothing but boredom, so we leave the town and we went to Kenyir Dam instead of Tasik Kenyir, LOL! Well is a shame, because I as a Terengganu people and I never went there before. Allan as the driver and bring along me, Caleb and Ah Bee. Let's the picture do the talking.. Shall we ?


The small road.


Hmmp..


The Great Wall of Terengganu.. LOL!!!


The Road and The Dam


Version 1


Version 2


Version 3


Version 4
Which 1 you think is better?


Behind them are rest house I suppose, because it was closed on that day, wasn't paying attention for that.


The Building.. LOL! (Don't Know What It's Call Laa)


We do not know how to read that..



The Dam with boat parked there, sadly we are not allowed to rent boat.

After that, we went to Allan's Uncle house to swim.


His name is MILO.
Pronounce as' Mai Lo'


Walking on the water.


Too bad he is too old to swim.


Enjoyable, this house is so suitable for party, because it has a wide area and a great view.


The Brown One with my fingers and the phone.


The White One.


They are quiet and adorable.


The Swimming Pool.

There was one stupid act, which I didn't realize that I'm holding a phone. I was playing with Milo and I jumped into the pool with my phone together. End up, I have to pay RM80 to repair. -.-'''
After that, we showered and went back to the town.

In the Bus..

I met a new friend in a Double Decker Bus. The bus is heading to Kuala Terengganu, my hometown. Her name is Ela, she's from KL and she went to K.TRG to meet her friends, alone!!) we then take a picture before we leave the bus. The End. LOL !!! Oh yeah and she sit beside me, front seat upper part of the bus.. LOL !!


The Double E -Eden and Ela-

Mom..

I love you.. Mom..
Simple 3 words, but it represent everything I wanted to said from the bottom of my heart.

26th of May, Happy Birthday !! Mom..
Couldn't celebrate with her, because she's having a trip to Indonesia.
Anyway, once again, I love you~


That's my mom and me ^.^


Strawberry Cheese Cake (Heart and Hand Made)


By Me and My sister ^.^

Bad news come twice..

I thought everything will be alright when I wake up the next day, but it wasn't. As I walk down the stairs I saw mom were cooking, and the house left only me and her. She didn't scold me for driving carelessly, but she tell me to drive carefully and that's all. Sometimes I rather being scold by them, if they do it that way will make me feel more n more guilty. For my dad, he would have slapped me on my face and scold me like I shouldn't exist in this world. But he didn't, he yelled at the driver instead of me. Seeing his white hair grow, makes me think of how many times he had pull me up from drowning in a mug, how much suffer he has to endure, how many choices he has made just for us, and so on. He has to pay another rm 300, 2 weeks ago, for so called 'invitation', because we have to go traffic department or JPJ. Yea.. is me again, I drive too fast as it written there during Chinese New Year. And I just got the news from my mom today, because my dad don wan me to distract from exam study. He has changed a lot, from hot temperature slowly become a wise man, control emotional, try to communicate with us which we don't in the past and he tried to fulfilled all of our dreams. If I were given a chance, I would like to do it better for me and my family, and I know chances are always there with you with your family around.

A Car Accident..

I have a car accident today, minor damage on the car and nobody was injured. Even though, I still felt guilty for not driving carefully. My dad have to pay for this shits and I felt so sorry for my uncle and aunt too, because they woke up in the middle of the night just to help me out, to deal with the driver who bummed on me. I remain silent for all the moment, unless they ask me questions.

The main reason that this accident occurred is, I wasn't paying attention what's coming from the other side. Secondly, I love to drive ever since I got my license and that's make me blind. Thirdly, I'm not used to the changes of the road, although my parents has already warned me, but still I didn't take that as a serious problem. And .. this is what will happen, if you don't take the words. It will be a great lesson to me, although I have learned this stuff from everybody.. teachers, parents, friends(example shown), driving school and so on. But sometimes you just have to involve with it. Sorry to my friends who get shocked, and sorry for spoiled the mood.

Now.. there is 2 car in the workshop(Honda Civic and Waja).
Great.. now my mom do not have car to drive. This is not supposed to be a Mother's day present!!

An outing with hometown frens..

I received a msg from ah thong(hometown fren), with content only 1 word 'where'. -.-''' my coolest fren ever.. never msg me a long one.

-He then pick me up, n went to cola cafe yam cha.
-Ask Lycia(a pretty one, hometown fren) to join us for a movie.
-She is happy n agreed.
-Thong went to pick her sister up, n I back to hostel to check for movie.
-Meanwhile, Lycia is on her way back to hostel.
-I called Thong, the latest movie for 'Wolverine' in oneU(One Utama)is 11.55pm.
-Thong rushed back to hostel after fetching her sister.
-I brought water for his car, because he asked to.
-Waited for Lycia to get ready.
-11.30pm already, n we still in setapak.
-We rushed to oneU, hoping to get there in time.
-N we made it.
-Lycia n me went to buy tickets, while Thong finding parking lot n toilet.
-Silly mistake I have made.
-Never checked properly at the website, thought 11.55pm is the latest movie for 'wolverine', actually there are 12.30am and 1.00am.
-Were laughing for my mistake, LOL!
-Chit-Chating, buy drinks and blah blah blah... lol !
-12.15am went into the hall.
-Were talking about 'coming soon' character killed the cinema crew(because they took a long time to play the movie, tot they are dead or haunted by her.)
-1am movie start.. cha dao.. -.-'''
-Were enjoying the movie.
-After that went to toilet at shell petrol station.
-Have our supper at TBR(Taman Bunga Raya, with various kind of hawker stalls)
-Went back to hostel at 4.30am.
-Tried to study for saturday papers.
-N wala! here I am..

Poster for the movie..



Hehe, today post is in point form due to the sleepiness. It is 7am dy n I feel so unproductive lately, because when I wake up.. the clock always shown 3 to 4 o'clock.. I'm actually sleep out of my day. Diu.. Anyway I cherish the time we have today. By the way, glad to see u today Thong. LYCIAAA ~~ Dinner later !

Sit down and have a cup of Tea..

Teatime with God

"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to have tea with Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.

God smiled and said, "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything;
what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

"What surprises you most about mankind?"

God answered, as we sipped our tea,

"-That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up,
and then long to be children again.

-That they lose their health to make money and then lose their
money to restore their health.

-That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,
such that they live neither for the present nor the future.

-That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."

God's hands took mine and we were silent for a while and then I asked, "As a
parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

God asked, more tea and replied with a smile,

"-To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can
do is to let themselves be loved.

-To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their
lives, but who they have in their lives.

-To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be
judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!

-To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.

-To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in
persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.

-To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

-To learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply do not
know how to express or show their feelings.

-To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

-To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.

-To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything
about them, and likes them anyway.

-To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others,
but that they have to forgive themselves."

I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment sipping tea with God. I thanked Him
for His time and for all that He has done for me and my family,

He replied, "Come for tea anytime.
I'm here 24 hours a day.
All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer and put the kettle on."

People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did,
but People will never forget how you made them feel,
the time spent in friendship over a cup of tea.

I found these pics from the web..

Hmmp.. tea..


I like this one, a luminous one.


The tea, the steam, the teapot and the teacup..


A great combination of colours.


Simple is the best.


A White Teacup.


A Tea with Mint..


Somehow I find that tea, scenery and poetry would be a great combination. It would be better if your soulmate are with u. I might not know everything about tea, but do have a teatime would have greatly affect your life.. sit down and relax.. do a little thinking.. 15-30minutes will do. Let's a cup of tea inspire your busy day, take your time, enjoy present days.

SweetDream being disturbed..

Zzz..Zzz.. Stoopig Waaayshhyeahh!! who have just ruined my sweet dream! sob sob.. and all shall thanks to my external roommate Neville, because he's the one who open the door for her. -.-''' The reason she woke me up is to ask me study for later 2pm exam(Introduction To Computer System and Application Software). What a good fren I said. Trying to get back to sleep, but cannot jor.. donno why. So I wake up on9 and play games for a while to get my sleepy mode on, but stupid computer games are just too addictive. So, the plan failed, then I browse to blogspot and post what had happened today. But then I actually appreciate to have her as my fren because she concern about fren's studies, sharing, caring nnn aa.. hmmp.. I shall found out more later.. lol! anyway great to have u as my fren szetoo.

Took this pic during dinner time..


This is szetoo weishya~
sorry eh.. tis is the only pic of u that I have .. lol!

Random Post..

Couldn't think of any to post, so I will only post what comes to my mind at this moment. Before I start I shall introduce someone that's essential to my life, Allan Lee, my buddy. Life wouldn't be the same if he didn't show up. He taught me a lot of things, help me out when something troubling me, accompany me when I'm bored, bring me to the crowd to know people, give advices, bring us happiness, lol! now it remind me of there is once he eat mee hoon end up coming out from nose because of ah zhao's joke(god hand)(n ah zhao which happen to be my best playmate and a great fren, we have been hanging around for years).. lol! we were laughing like the stomach are going to burst!! n the brilliant part is when ah zhao himself creating his own joke and trying to describe it to us but end up he laugh first without even saying a word n we were influence by him n we laugh together, we laugh even harder when zhao's trying hard to tell us his joke.. lol !! how i misses the old times. Ok back to the topic, oh yeah n education of course I wouldn't get 5 credits if he didn't help me up in maths and arts.

Few days ago, my roommates and I were studying at the hall in the hostel. I got bored of studying and climbed out to the window and step on the roof for a walk. My roommates were following me too. There is actually 3 of us for ur information, Kevin is my roommates and Neville is counted as roommates of ours because he spend most of his time in our room. We were actually walking on the roof lol.. and Kevin he suggested to jump down because he said it's only 1 floor. We both said ok and at the moment its remind me of Allan, He jumped/tried b4 in our school n it was a success. By the time I wanted to but no guts, that shall explain for me. Back to present, when we was about to jump, the girls from the opposite block thought we are stalkers. Zzz.. quickly they pull the curtain. swt. The more we thinks b4 we jump wow .. it somehow getting higher n further from the ground.. Our feet were actually sweating lol!! stupid 2nd thought.. zzz.. Well finally we still made it. Kevin was the first one to jump, next with me n third Neville. I somehow hurt my back n my balls(don't laugh -.-''') but the others nothing happen. -.-''' according to Kevin(a sport science student) he said I am too skinny, my leg couldn't support the force. So that's happened. crazy .. a hotel management student and counseling student were actually follow the sport science student doing this. After that, we realize that the girls are actually looking at us jumping off the roof. The End. LOL !!

This were taken after a few days..


The place we jumped off..


The girls block..


Never tried that on a tree..


Hey the tree actually strong enough to handle my weight.. lol ! thanks nev,kev n the tree ^^

Club..

Hmmp .. actually I don like clubbing .. why so sudden ? after a long period didn’t update my blog .. once updated n I said I dislike clubbing .. not hate laa k .. I’m just prefer other way .. although I been there several times .. approximately erm .. 1 month once bah with different group of ppl .. mostly go with my hometown frens .. haha .. counted as gathering baa .. didn’t talk much .. but at least can see each other already satisfied me .. but still seems not suitable for me .. or maybe I’m just not used to it .. oh well .. I might still need to get used to it .. bcuz it might benefits me in d future .. u know social .. n I’m in ssh .. school of social-science humanity .. lol ..

Btw .. Happy birthday to my lui lui ^^ my daughter (Li Huey) .. lol .. her birthday is on today .. wish her if u know her .. ai ya just wish her laa if u donno her .. in ur heart boleh dah .. ^^

mQ

some how .. i just miss her ..

New to Blogspot !

Hah .. Finally I end up with my own blog here.lolx! Been thinking if I should have my own blog and that took centuries for me to decide. One of my friends suggested why don't I start my own blog n I said I will think about it, until now.lolx! hmmp.. since most of my friends are blogging here, so i decided to start an account at blogspot.. Keke..

So.. Welcome to Eden's Blog !!XD

Well.. I guess i started my blog at the wrong time. Why? because its exam period in tarc. Sob..Sob.. hmmp.. 5am in the morning dy, can't sleep for no reason. Gonna say my 1st good morning of the day to my roommate Kevin, a banana(lolx) from kk, sabah. He said he's gonna wake up at 5.30am to study because he is having an exam at 9am later. wish him luck.

2 days ago, when I was about to have my english test, I faced some problems before I entered the exam hall. I was listening to music through my phone while walking to the hall. The teacher there checked my exam slip as usual, she noticed the earphone around my neck n stopped me. I was like, shit.. forgot about it, n then i took it off and i asked can u plss keep my phone with u? n she replied no. I was stunned for a while.. wow .. where am I going to put my phone? I didn't bring any bags with me n by that time i was late already. No friends are around there, all of them are inside. Then I asked again can I put my phone inside the hall where I can't reach, at least better than put it outside. Unexpectedly, she said No ! what the hell .. then I go n walk around to see if there are any friends around that can keep my phone for me, unluckily there was none. So I ended up hiding my phone outside of the hall n SHE was looking at what I am doing there. N yea, I'm taking the risk ! I couldn't concentrate in the exam hall, n I wrote a lot of craps there. I bet my result will be worse than before, because I know I'm not that good in english. But luckily my phone still there, thanks God. lolx.

The next day, BM test. nothing special, just that I woke up at 1.45pm n my exam starts at 2pm. Rush .. rush .. rush .. luckily I reach there just in time. u know why? The advantages of staying at hostel lo .. haha .. I woke up not by myself but because of my fren tarzan. Thanks to him! He called me n I wasn't able to answer his call, because I accidentally canceled the call. Sorry tarzan .. but I did reply him after the exam. phew.. hmmp.. my roommate alarm rang.. but he didn't seems to be fully awake yet. He took his phone n put it beside him n continued to sleep. Its normal, who will wake up so early just to study.haha. Or maybe there is, but I haven't met one of them yet. hehe.. hmmp .. I think 1 is enough la for today .. hehe ^^ gonna study for kitchen test lo .. wish me luck laa .. weh .. hehe .. btw .. gd morning everyone !!